Wail, just who is  Doghouse Riley, yor probly askin?  What's he all about anyways?
                                                          Hey, quit bein so nosy, would ya?  Ain't I got the right ta any privacy whatsoever?
                                                          No, I guess not, seeins how I done put up this here web site thang for all to see
                                                          and hear too for that matter.  So I'll tell ya, I was born in the Ozark foothills a 
                                                           good while ago.  And I was a problem from the word go.  No, I don't mean that
                                                          ifn somebody yelled "Go!!"  I'd start actin apeshit crazy or nothin.  I just mean I was
                                                           a hellion of the first order.  A handful, as my grandmomma used to say.  Ifn ya ain't
                                                           been livin on Mars or somethin yor entire natural life ya probly already know more
                                                           than ya care to about me by now anyways or ya wouldn't be over here at this
                                                           gawd-forsaken-wart-on-the-world-wide-web-thang anyways.  And ya either
                                                             thank I'm a ratty-assed, self-centered, windy, no-talent sumbitch or the
                                                              greatest genius since Albert Einstein or somethin.  Yea, I know.  I got ta
                                                               live with it every day.  Anyways, whyever and however ya got here
                                                               I'd like ta offer ya a heartfelt welcome.  I hope ya get somethin outta
                                                                comin over here, tho for the life of me I cain't figure what that might
                                                                  be.  That there's yor nevermind, I guess.  So enjoy clickin on the
                                                                    little buttons an all, listenin to the "insert yor adjective here"
                                                                      music tracks and just generally catchin a glimpse into my
                                                                        por ol demented mind.  And don't ferget to drop me a line
                                                                          about yor experience, whatever it might be.  Who
                                                                             knows?  Maybe I'll even write ya back.  But, hey,
                                                                                 don't count on it, OK?  A course, I say that
                                                                                      with love.  Honest.  So what are ya
                                                                                          waitin for?  Get ta clickin,
                                                                                                  would ya?  Dang!  

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